How to Say No to Extra Work Without Feeling Guilty as a Humanitarian and International Development Leader

Have you ever felt guilty for saying no to extra work, even when your plate is already full?

Many leaders struggle with setting boundaries, often feeling the pressure to say yes to every request. This episode tackles the common dilemma of wanting to be a team player while avoiding burnout, offering insights that resonate with anyone aiming to maintain their well-being while contributing effectively.

By tuning in, you'll discover how to confidently set boundaries, the importance of saying no without guilt, and how prioritizing your own well-being can actually enhance your ability to support your team.

Don't miss out on transformative strategies for setting boundaries without feeling guilty—listen to this episode now!

WHAT IS YOUR LEADERSHIP STYLE? QUIZ

Want to know how to lead better?  It starts by understanding your leadership style.   To find out yours, take my free quiz “What Is Your Leadership Style” - you’ll immediately find out your default style, how it may be impacting your team and a few practical ways to become an even better leader.  Just click on the link fill out your quiz and click submit.

FULL TRANSCRIPT:

How you can say no to extra work without feeling guilty on today's episode.

Welcome to The Modern Humanitarian and Development Leader podcast, the podcast, helping humanitarian and development supervisors make a greater impact by taking control of your time, leading more inclusively and empowering your team all the while avoiding stress, burnout, and overwhelm. I'm your host, leadership coach and former aid worker, Torrey Peace.

Are you ready? Let's get started.

Hello, my aspiring modern humanitarian development leader. I hope you're having a wonderful week. And today is our quick episode. It is actually related to Monday's episode on exploring what does it mean to be a team player and how can we be a team player without having to take on a lot of extra work?

Because this is what I find a lot of times leaders do.

So the quote for today is by Mungi Ngomane who is the author of "Everyday Ubuntu". And she's the granddaughter of the late Desmond Tutu.

So the quote is: "respectful boundaries are needed so we can look after ourselves and continue to give to others. After all, nobody can expect to pour from an empty cup."

So once again, that quote by Is: "respectful boundaries are needed so we can look after ourselves and continue to give to others. After all, nobody can expect to pour from an empty cup." So once again, I thought this was an appropriate quote based on our Monday discussion around how to be a team player without having to overload yourself with extra work.

And if you haven't listened to that episode, I recommend you go back and do so. But basically one of the best ways to be a team player and do high quality work is by setting boundaries. And so we talk about boundaries a lot. What, what does that really mean? It means being able to say no to someone when they ask us to do something and saying no in a way that we feel good about.

So we all know how to say no.

I'm sure you say it occasionally every day. No. Right? That's all you have to do. Say the word "no" or say let me get back to you or I can't do that right now or I'm too overloaded. We all have the capability and know how to say no. So why don't we more often?

Well, what I've found is the reason that many leaders do not say no when they're asked to take on extra work is because they want to avoid a feeling. That is the only reason. They want to avoid feeling badly. They want to avoid feeling an emotion. That is it. That is usually the worst that will happen when you say no. So the feeling that is to be avoided is usually something like guilt or shame. Guilt for not saying yes or shame for not saying yes, or maybe even fear of what will happen, the consequences. But really what creates the emotion of fear or guilt or shame is not the saying no. It's the story that we create behind why we are saying no.

And the story that we think will happen if we say no. And I like to use the word story, because that's what it is. It's just an assumption that we're making that this person will feel this way if I say no, or I will be excluded or I won't be seen as a team player. All of these things are assumptions that we are making. That we think will happen if we say no. And that makes us feel like if we say no, we're going to feel guilt or shame or whatever.

This is why it's so important to think about what is another way of looking at this? And that is where this quote comes in. 'Because like Mungi Ngomane says, in the quote respectful boundaries are needed so we can look after ourselves. And so we can actually give more to others if we're in a good place and we're not overloaded, then we can be more in service.

We can be more of a team player. And so when we look at something like that and have that as our background story of why we're saying no, or why we're saying, let me get back to you. Or why we're saying, let me check with my supervisor or I'm too overloaded right now. When that is our background story, that we're actually looking after ourselves, but we're also essentially in a way looking after the other person, because we want to make sure we can do our best work for them. And when we have that story instead, then if we say, no, we can do so and not feel guilty or shame or fear. Because the story is when I say no from this place, it's going to make everything better for everybody, which I think is also the idea, ironically enough, behind ubuntu, right? The more that we realize that what we're avoiding saying no is a feeling. And what is the story behind that feeling? What is the thinking that we have behind that feeling? That's driving that story? And is this story helping us or is it actually hurting us? And most of our stories in this kind of a scenario are hurting us.

So a question that I like to ask my students or my coachees is how do you want to feel when you say yes to extra work? Like when someone comes and ask you for help, how do you want to feel when you say yes? Probably what you would respond is something like, I want to feel excited, motivated, I want to feel helpful. And that is very different from saying yes, but feeling negative things such as resentment or frustration or overwhelm because now I have all this work I have to do. So feelings can also be a really great way of measuring whether you do want to say yes, because you actually do want to do the thing and help out and you can. Or that you want to say no, because right now you just can't and you can't do your best work. And so therefore in the interest of everybody, You're going to say no.

All right, so that's about it for today's episode. And once again, The idea is really just thinking about what am I avoiding? What am I really afraid of when I say no to someone asking me to help them out with extra work? And what is a different way I can look at that where I win and they win as well. Because it is possible. All right until next week.

Keep evolving. Bye for now.

Are you the type of leader that tells others what to do? Or do you let them figure it out for themselves? Understanding your leadership style is the first step to deciding what's working for you and what's not. To find out your leadership style, take my free quiz "what is your leadership style?" You'll immediately find out your default style, how it may be impacting your team, and a few practical ways to become an even better leader.

Just click on the link in the show notes, www.aidforaidworkers.com/quiz fill out your quiz and click submit. So what are you waiting for? Go to www.aidforaidworkers.com/quiz and discover your leadership style now. Your team will thank you for it!