The Difference Between Handling Stress and Hiding from It

Are you trying to reduce stress by changing jobs, teams, or organizations — only to find the same pressure showing up again somewhere else?

In the humanitarian and development sector, stress often feels unavoidable due to funding uncertainty, demanding workloads, and high expectations. If you’ve ever wondered why burnout patterns repeat even after changing roles, this episode explores a powerful shift that can help you handle pressure differently and lead with greater resilience and clarity.

In this episode, you’ll discover:

• Why changing your circumstances alone often doesn’t eliminate stress in high-pressure humanitarian environments.
• How shifting from avoidance to leadership growth can help you handle challenges without being consumed by them.
• Practical reflection questions that help you identify where stronger boundaries and self-leadership can transform your experience at work.

Press play now to learn how to break recurring stress patterns and become the kind of leader who can navigate pressure with confidence and control.

Watch on YouTube Here

Ready to Lead with Clarity — Even in Uncertainty?

If this episode resonated with you and you’re ready to stop reacting and start leading with intention, I invite you to join Becoming the Modern Humanitarian and Development Leader.

In this six-week course, you’ll clarify the impact you want to have, let go of habits that keep you overextended, empower your team, and gain back time while increasing your effectiveness.

The next cohort begins March 10th.

Learn more and register here: https://www.aidforaidworkers.com/modern-course

I’d love to support you inside the course.

FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPT:

Are You "Solving" Stress... Or Just Running Away?

Torrey: [00:00:00] There are so many things that create stress in the humanitarian and development world - unpredictable funding, toxic supervisors, organizational cultures that quietly reward long hours and self-sacrifice while discouraging rest and self-care. These circumstances are the reality. They matter.

And they take a toll. So I want to be very clear from the start. This episode is not about denying how difficult these environments can be. But today I want to explore something deeper. Because while these situations contribute to stress, they are not the only reasons that we experience it the way we do.

What often creates sustained stress is not just the circumstance itself, but how we relate to it. And that distinction matters more than we [00:01:00] realize. My name is Torrey Peace, and I'm the host of The Humanitarian and Development Leader podcast. Let's get started, shall we? So, when stress becomes too much, many of us instinctively look for a way out.

We change our jobs, we change organizations, we leave the sector entirely. I've seen it again and again and again, and sometimes that is absolutely the right decision. Leaving can be healthy, leaving can be necessary. Leaving can be an act of self-respect. But here's what I've noticed, both in my own experience and in coaching hundreds of leaders.

Often when we try to reduce stress only by changing our circumstances, that is leaving or trying to escape, we end up finding ourselves in a very similar situation, just somewhere else. Another toxic [00:02:00] supervisor, another organization constrained by funding, another culture that rewards overwork. That setting may change, but the stress pattern remains the same.

And when that happens, it's usually because we haven't learned how to overcome the challenge itself. We've avoided it and avoidance, while understandable, doesn't help us grow as leaders. Let's take a closer look. This is an important distinction. There are two very different ways to reduce stress.

One is through avoidance, removing yourself from the situation or changing the circumstance. The other is through growth. That is becoming the kind of leader who can face stress differently. Avoidance says, this situation is too much, I need to change. Growth says, this situation is [00:03:00] challenging, what do I need to become?

Who do I need to become to handle it differently? Growth does not mean tolerating harm. It does not mean staying in unhealthy environments indefinitely. It means taking responsibility for your internal experience, your boundaries, your standards, your responses, regardless of who you are. And that's a very different kind of leadership.

So I see this pattern frequently, especially amongst women in the humanitarian and development field. Women come into the work deeply motivated. They care deeply. They want to make a difference. They wanna help people or the cause, and many organizational cultures quietly reward that over giving. Long hours are normalized.

Perfectionism is praised. Saying yes becomes expected. [00:04:00] And because many women have been socialized to be dependable, accommodating, and higher performing, they keep going. They push, they over-function. They ignore their own limits until they can't do it anymore. And at that point, the stress becomes unbearable and the only way to reduce it feels like leaving - leaving the role, leaving the organization, or even sometimes leaving the sector itself.

So they take a break, they go to Dubai, they go to a different country, they take some time off, even within their own country. They recover and eventually they return. Often to a different organization, but the same pattern - long hours, high expectation, perfectionism, burnout. This is an example of reducing stress by changing circumstances without changing the [00:05:00] underlying pattern.

And until that pattern changes, the stress will simply recreate itself. Now, let me be very clear here. The solution is not to toughen up. Right, that's not what I'm saying. It's not to tolerate toxicity, and it's not to accept unreasonable demands. The solution is becoming a leader who can set boundaries even when it's uncomfortable.

Say no without guilt, release perfectionism even when it's rewarded, and take responsibility for your own stress levels. That is leadership growth and it allows you to work in stressful environments without being consumed by them. Let me share an example. After I left one role, my former direct report struggled under a new supervisor.

The [00:06:00] environment felt very difficult. The supervision felt very challenging, and the stress was mounting. She called me one day and she said she was thinking about leaving her role, leaving the organization. She wanted to reduce her stress by changing her circumstance. So I asked her a different question.

I asked her, what do you want for your team right now? Who do you want to be for your team right now? Because they are also facing the same challenge. That question shifted everything. She realized that despite the difficulty, she wanted to show up as a steady, supportive leader for her team during a hard transition.

So instead of leaving immediately, she focused on how she wanted to lead. She set clearer boundaries. She managed her relationship with her supervisor differently, and [00:07:00] she stayed grounded in her values. And over time something remarkable happened. She didn't just survive the situation. She grew and eventually she was promoted into that supervisor's role.

She reduced her stress, not by escaping the challenge or leaving the organization, but by becoming the kind of leader who could handle it. So I wanna ask you something. Where in your life or leadership are you trying to reduce stress by changing your circumstances instead of becoming the person who can handle the situation differently? Where might stress be inviting you to grow and not leave?

Again, this does not mean staying in a harmful environment forever. It means asking what is the situation here to teach me? About boundaries, leadership or self-trust. [00:08:00] How can I grow from this? So I want to leave you with a few reflection questions. You might wanna pause the episode and actually write these down.

Number one, what situation in my work currently feels most stressful? Number two, how am I trying to reduce that stress right now, through avoidance or growth? Number three, what boundary am I not setting? Number four, where am I giving more than is sustainable? And number five, why or who do I need to become to handle this differently regardless of whether I stay or leave?

So leadership is not just about changing the world around you, it's about changing how you show up within it. Stress is inevitable in humanitarian and development work, but burnout doesn't have to be. You can reduce [00:09:00] stress by constantly changing our circumstances, or you can reduce stress by becoming the leader who knows how to set boundaries, take responsibility and lead with clarity, regardless of where you are.

That choice is a powerful one, and it's available to you right now. Okay, until next week, keep evolving. Bye for now.

Hey, if this episode resonated with you and you're ready to stop reacting and start leading with clarity, I invite you to join the Becoming the Modern Humanitarian and Development Leader course. Over six weeks, you'll build the skills to gain back your time, empower your team, and lead with confidence even during uncertainty.

The next cohort begins March 10th. You can find the details in the show notes. I'd love to support you inside the course.